Flame For My Pyre...

...To burn away my "created-self" by fire.

For a long time I thought that I needed to be someone or something else. Now, after many heartbreaking experiences, I have firmly decided to just be me. Yes...I know many people set out on the noble trek to find oneself, and most succumb to failure during this experience, but I think I will succeed.

1. Step One: Cleanse My Created-Self From Myself. Sounds simple, right? Wrong! I have this "image" that I created many years ago to protect myself and feel now is the time to let it go. Those that have the privilege to work with me see this image everyday. He is narcissistic, egotistical, loud, obnoxious, annoying, and cheesy. For those that enjoy that "side" of me, I hate to break it to you, but that person needs to die. Dead, as never to be born again, because I am so very tired of keeping that person alive. It is a beast that takes too much of my energy, and frankly, makes me come off as a jerk. I can not tell you how many people, that meet that person, think I am one of the biggest jerks in existence.
2. Step Two: Surround Myself With A Positive Support Structure. I all ready have many friends and associates that would love to help with this, if only I would let them in. This step also incorporates my environment, let it be work or home life, I need to fully comment to it.
3. Step Three: Breath And Live Free. This one is going to be EXTREMELY hard... I have been conditioned for so long to wager my merit against other's perceptions, and change my values, ideas, dreams to suit their's. I am to live for me! When the time comes, and I know it will, that things get "rough", I just need to take a dreep breath and realize I am better and above that. In the end, I realize all this is going to be driven by my desire for change, God's strength, and patience.

To Be Continued...

(Meaning as, I am sure, future blogs will update and incorporate this path currently being taken.)

“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” Corazon Aquino

Breaking The Cycle...

"...It happened again today. I was beat for no reason. My mom tackled me, pinned my arms down with her knees, then began to strike me in my face and chest. Why? What did I ever do to her? Why has God cursed me to be in a life like this? But it never stopped there. Too many times my mom, step-dad(s), and siblings hurt me. I was pummeled by hits, had been cut, and even bruised to the point where my body was bloody and numb.

Sadly, after all this time, my heart still hurts the worst. I loved them and they never saw it. Blindly they would strike out against me. I would find myself laying in a heap, in the floor, my spirit broken, my soul defeated, wishing I would die so it would never happen again.

Please, why can't you hear my cries?

Please, why can't you see my tears?

Please, why can't you love me as much as I love you?"

This is a true story. It is my story. Those are my words and forever are the images burned into my mind of the abuse my family and I suffered for nearly sixteen years.

The reason I decided to write about this in my blog is because I haven't been able to sleep, eat, or function correctly for the last three weeks. Every night when I go to bed I am tormented by nightmares, in which, I relive years of abuse. Some nights are even worse, not only do I relive them, but then I find myself fighting back. That scares me the most, as I used to be violent. Still today I have some tendencies to be "overly physical" showing affection, acceptance, and caringness. I wish I could write that I never completed the cycle, that I never abused someone...that I was better than that. But that would be a lie. I was horrible. I failed. I went to a dark, deep place filled with hatred, anger, and spite. I hated God, the world, everyone, especially people that were happy. That made me sick! Why couldn't I be happy? Why couldn't I have a "normal" life like others? In retrospect, and in reading previous blogs, I wouldn't have as much acceptance for the world, and love in others, if I hadn't endured my pain. Life is a two way street, filled with balance. Like "The Force", there is both a light and dark side and they must coexist. So if that was the dark side, then I must now be living in the light.

I think I am going to write a letter to my mother and hopefully it will do more than just close this blog...it will help heal the wounds festering within...

Dear Mom,

I am sorry life didn't work out how you had planned. I am sorry that in your childhood you hurt as much as I did. Even though we rarely speak, know that I love you. Maybe one day my wounds and your guilt will be overcome and we can have some kind of "normal" relationship. Just know that no matter what, my daughter, will never have to live like that. She will never know the fear of the next attack. Or the pain of being broken and defeated. I promise on my life, she will never know the resounding pain of child abuse. She is loved by so many and knowing she is happy makes my weight easier to carry. For so long I have been crushed by that weight and have encountered every kind of abuse in my trek throughout life, but it never has defined me, only my love has. My eternal and internal strength carry me above and beyond all the hate and violence. In the end, I know I will be all right. I hope you can find that same peace.

Love,

Your Son.

Want to be serious about breaking the cycle? Check out some of these tools online.

http://www.breakthecycle.org/index.html

http://www.thesafespace.org/

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm

http://www.rainn.org/

If you know anymore sites/resources feel free to leave them in the comment box.

Clemson VS. South Carolina

That's right sports fans...

College football season is just around the corner...

You know what that means? One of the most heated rivalries will come to fruition.

Clemson Tigers and Carolina Gamecocks rivalry dates back almost one hundred and thirty years. For both schools though, emotions run deep, and encompasses more than just football. It has caused conflict, death, and a multitude of problems.

Sounds like something else I know...

Religion.

I won't go into details on who, how, what, when, where and why. I will just say this...

• Why pick sides?
• Why condemn those that aren't like you?
• Where is the love?

† Picking sides, like we do with our favorite teams, does more harm than good. If your neighbor loves his family, his job, his world, and it is filled with rainbows and puppies... Then who are you to pop his bubble? Stop taking up arms against them, if you "fear for their mortal soul", then lead by example, not by force. The more you force an issue, the more likely they will have apathy toward it.

† Condemning others equals condemning yourself. Remember Jesus was the pinnacle of "anti-cool". He was not a Fonzie-like character that everyone gravitated toward. He "kicked it" with prostitutes, tax collectors, sick/dying, and the ragamuffins of the world. Jesus was like a good author, never truly cherished, until he had left his mortal coil.

† Love in the world is now becoming exiguous. We, "Christ-followers", should exemplify the love that Christ holds. No longer are we to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear toward others just because we don't agree with them. Celebrate with your own "Free Hug Day", or just practice random acts of kindness. Do not strive to make yourself feel better, but for once, concentrate on the happiness of others. Honestly, any love is better than no love, and just one act can change a million lives... Love yourself, love your life, and most of all love each other.

'God is...LOVE?'

Not trying to take anything away from Father's Day service, well strike that, I took something away from the service. As always, it was what God wanted me to hear...


Pastor Mark had an awesome service about how 'God is...farsighted'. While that is true, God reached out and spoke to me.


While life is about something more, Jesus, we are all blessed with one major endowment. It puts life in perspective, gives meaning to the resplendent wonders abound, gives hope, faith, trust, and joy to each and every one of us...


♥♥LOVE♥♥

To take a good example on how majority of society views love, here is an excerpt that is on Wikipedia.

"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ('I loved that meal') to intense interpersonal attraction ('I love my boyfriend'). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. Love is an extremely powerful emotion; it is irresistible and people are often bound to pursue their love interests. Love is a major theme in many literature texts and poems, with movies often portraying 'finding true love.'"


If that is true, how is God love?

I believe God is love in a pure and simplistic form. While most blindly struggle through life never "knowing" love...it's right there with them, every step of their lives.

Remember last week when I spoke about God being there every step of the way? Where all we have to do is open our eyes, lift a finger...and BAM! There is God!

So why do we constantly get wrapped up in internal strife trying to find "the love" that we see in all the movies?

The question is the answer...it is in the movies...it's fictional...it's a dramatization. That love doesn't exist between two people. Oh sure, there are some truly blessed with the best possible partner/spouse/loved one that completes them in the worldly sense, but what about in the eternal sense?

That's where God comes in. You need to realize with all your relationships in this world, nothing can surpass, replace, take away, add to the glorious love God has for us.

Don't believe me? Look it up...

Wait! I just did that for you...[!] Astounding! Close to SEVEN HUNDRED times love is mentioned in the bible. Starting with Genesis and ending with Revelations. Coincident? I think not.

So, who are we to rebuke God? The answer: I think, in the end, we don't want to accept the easy way out. Because no matter what hells we endure in this life, nor what hells we create for ourselves or others, God still loves us.

Forever. As it has been and always will be. Amen.

Usually, I end with some quote on self-reflection, yet this week won't be any different. I would encourage to all my readers though, to go to your local bookstore, get 'Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning. It will change your life, this I promise.

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it."
— Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel)

"God Is...Distant?!?!"

(beavis by Tom Stone)

Many people might think God is distant sometimes, but put yourself in this man's shoes...

• Is God with him as he picks his scabs to find a good spot for his morning fix?
• Is God with him as he looses his home, money, food, and sanity?
• Where is God when this man needs him the most?

The answer is the easiest to say, but the hardest to understand...

God is right there beside him every step...

Do you realize that over EIGHTY percent of heroin users "shoot-up" or "mainline" with a partner...

But EIGHTY percent of those that have overdosed are found alone.

Is must be frightening to think, that while this addict is "cooking" his daily fix, God is right there with him. I mean truly, standing next to him, watching the fallen push for a rush. And God is there every time an addict pushes harder and falls victim to their addiction, and the monster takes another as his own...

Why then, don't we wonder, if God is omnipresent, omnipotent, "omniawesomeness" does this poor unfortunate soul have to suffer?

“to the one who has chosen . . . the complete loneliness of being-only-for-oneself, God himself enters into his very loneliness as someone who is even more lonely"

Hans Ur von Balthasar

We distance ourselves from God, not the other way around. We cover our eyes and make God invisible... but for us to believe the impossible, we must first see the invisible.

If we take reference from The Creation of Adam, by Michelangelo. Then we can see that all we have to do is lift a finger to be able to touch God...

"Going Boldly Where No Man Has Gone Before..."

(Eye of God? Captured by Hubble Telescope)

We, at church, just embarked on an awesome trek...

And apparently the "Church Federation" is directing THOUSANDS of churches at this time to do the same. We all are on a trek to answer the question put before us,

"God is..."

Now here is the problem, most times when I write this blog, it is my own take on the services and how they affect me. I don't want to take away from an awesome service about how "God is...Frightening", I just feel drawn and compelled to write what God is to me...

FOR ME...

God is...A Second-Chance Father!

And so am I!

You see, after years of being blind to the obvious, I came back to my Father-in-Heaven. And graciously he held out his arms and lifted me up...

For those that can relate, this was a struggle, to say the least. Just to give you a quick glimpse of what I let kept me away from him:

Drug abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, being the victim, being the antagonist, true fear, lack of understanding, premature death of my father, inability to cope with my own past, present, choices, actions, and so much more...

I had been away from my Father, and my daughter had been away from me. You see, as much fear as I had for my daughter and the unknown, I also held copious amounts of love. And in the end I was rewarded.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been blessed to spend time with my daughter, a gift beyond any measure. It has brought so much peace in my life. I can not thank those involved, that helped make this a possibility, enough.


So next time you, yourself, try to answer: "God is...", please look outside the box. Answer from within, what God truly is to you.


And remember no matter the size of a blessing, in the end, you are still blessed.

"I Have The Power"

When I think about "I HAVE THE POWER!" I imagine a lonely prince, gathering the power from within, and transforming into He-Man, Master of The Universe. Rising his sword above all things and triumphing over evil...


So if you were He-Man, if you had the power to do whatever you want, what would it be?


I, myself, would choose the power to heal, restore, and help those that need it the most. I could walk-up to a cripple and tell them to take their mat and walk. I could go to the blind, spit in the mud, and rub it into their eyes, restoring their sight. I could use just my presence to calm storms, and restore sanity to those that are forever lost in a spiral of despair...

And in knowing I don't have the power that Christ held on Earth, I do have one thing going for me...


Faith.

Faith is confined to whatever you put it in...

• So if my faith is in God, it has no limits.
• Because God is the real "Master of The Universe".
• God is our glue that holds all things together.
• He always backs up his word.
• He changes everything.
• But we do have to take the initiative.

A couple thoughts to leave you with...


Your relationship with God directly reflects the relationship with yourself.

The scriptures state the word "Almighty" 56 times, and in every time it speaks of God.

It can take us our whole lives to turn one thing over to God, but if you really look at the results, why do we fail to turn everything over to him?

Parental Pain: Pondering Progress And Prefection

There are many types of pain a parent can endure during a lifetime.

Most are afraid that our own failures and sins will burden our children.

I assure you, coming from experience, it is not so.

1. Stop hiding behind your fear.
   
2. Understand and acknowledge that you will fail your children and they will do the same.
   
3. Do not hold them so high that they can never reach the ground.
4. All is not lost. There is always hope were love is around.

Your love HAS to be in you, your children, and God.


Take a moment and think what is you most common response when seeing a newborn...

"Oh, how cute!?" "Wow, he/she looks just like you..."

What we need to realize...

The reality of it all...

They too will be sinful heathens...

I actually chuckled when I typed that. But seriously, it's true.

So keeping that in mind:

• Parent's can't take all the glory when your child succeeds...
• And you can't burden yourself with the failure when they stumble.

As your children grow, so must you. If you want to be a leader in their lives you must match them every step of the way. Don't be afraid to pray, have patience, and in the end always have unconditional love...

Scripture to support/study:
Romans 3:10-12
Isaiah 1:2-3
Luke 15:11-16
Colossians 1:9-10
Galations 6:9
Luke 15:20
Isaiah 30:18

Determined Discipline -- Deflecting Disorder

Discipline and Parenthood

As it is with every blog I write, I ink it out on paper then translate it onto this site. I try to bring my audience closer and closer to the reasoning on how it relates to me... So please bare with me and pardon any context that disturbs you. I am going to extend my "freedom of speech".

The battlefield, in my home growing up was a horrid affair. Fists, words, actions, forks, spoons, paddles, electric cords, shoes, hammers, books, and basically anything within reach was used as a weapon. Abuse ran ramped throughout the home. Broken spirits, broken home, broken hearts, and a broken family is all I had to show for the abysmal failure that equaled my life.

Thank God that my past does not determine my future. My future, my life, is determined by my choices after the fact. I can still do anything that I want...

So, now as an adult, what I have to show for that traumatic childhood are scars that are now blessed. Please don't be confused. My scars show that those events are no longer festering wounds of affliction. They have healed in the best way possible, and in the end, have helped strengthen my own testimony of life, love, and God. Coming to that resounding foundation in one's self and in God took many hills and valleys, and was many years in the making. But, in the end, it is an essential part of me.

But why burden you with a heavy heart over my strife? Simply put, all homes and families are a battlefield. Some just fight the battles with tools of love. And I hope, using the coming sermons, people gain a perspective into their own relationships with their family and God.

Discipline is not about being mean. It is a correction driven by love.

It is not something that you do to your child, but for your child...

"A child who has not been disciplined with love by his little world will be disciplined without love by the great big world." Zig Ziglar

So, if you have been paying attention so far, you might realize that the responsibility falls on our shoulders. It is our burden to bear for the rest of their lives. There are many types of parents, and we are going to go over a few and see if some of the readers can relate. Maybe finding kinks in their own chain, they can strengthen themselves for their children.

• Lifeguard Parents... They rescue a child from the consequences of their actions. As much as we all want to be stunning beauties from Baywatch, we can not do this, for it will be detrimental to our children. Just remember the best lessons in life are learned the hardest of ways...
• Etch-A-Sketch Parents... No it's not like Pastor Mark said, "A Redneck Laptop." These parents are consistently inconsistent. Drawing lines, or boundaries, one day. Then shaking things up, and the next day those boundaries do not exist. If you keep your word to God, then why not keep your word to your child? Do not confuse them.
• Split-Decision Parents... Those that are un-unified. Parents, even those from a broken home, need to have a unified stance in front of their children.
  

No matter what parent you might be, you expect first-time and cheerful obedience from your children. And that is what God expects of us.

So make these vows to yourself and your child:

• Agree to never discipline in anger.

• Discipline promptly and with instruction and reconciliation.

1. Instruction -- Ask your child, "What did you do wrong?" or "How could you handle it better next time?"
   
2. Reconciliation -- Do everything in love. Once it is resolved don't bring it up again. God does not do this with us. He forgives and forgets. We have to do this with our children or we burden them with more than they carry.

Point your children to the cross of Christ.

We may never get where we thought we would in the end. We can live on through the wisdom and faith in God that we instill in our children.

In honor of Mother's Day, and parenting in general, I thought I would leave you with something special that I wrote for someone that needed to hear it...

"The True Measure of A Mother...

Is Not Whom You Birth...

But Rather Whom You Love... "

Perfecting Parenthood: Principles Priorities Pondering Prefection

Parenthood

The word invokes many things: fear, terror, trauma, joy, happiness, bliss, love.

Even those that haven’t become parents themselves still can relate. Think about your family dog and you have a fraction of what being a parent is like.

These coming blogs relating to our next sermon series are going to be extremely hard on myself as I will have to do a lot of self-reflection and introverted honesty.

***INSERT BACKSTORY (AGAIN) HERE***

My own ties to parenthood have come at great cost to myself. The first being that I was the youngest of four children in a broken, miserable, abusive, alcoholic, drug-ridden, self-loathing, diabolical hell of a home. And honestly that is putting it VERY lightly. I have an older half-sister (+3 years), an older half-brother (+1), and an older twin-brother (+2 minutes). My twin has been affected by cerebral palsy since birth. From the story that has been told countless times, my brother and I were born in a private hospital in Ft. Worth, Texas. We were a couple of months premature, and we barely tipped the scales at two pounds. While we were in the NICU, we were separated. Somehow, my brother’s oxygen level was turned up too high, and he suffered from oxygen saturation to the brain, thus causing the CP and being a quadriplegic…

For whatever reason I was “blessed” to be a parental role in my twin’s life, and still to this day, I don’t fully comprehend why I had to sacrifice most of my childhood to feed him, cloth him, wash him, change his diapers, and other parental duties. I will say this now, even if my mother and I have an estranged relationship, she did the best she could. I didn’t say she did the best job, but rather, just the best she was able to do at the time, battling her own demons of abuse, drug addiction, etc. Sadly enough, my brother and I never had a normal relationship, and don’t even to this day. That was my first major taste of what some would call “parenthood”. You think that I would have learned, but like all things, the best lessons have to be learned the hardest ways.

The real “parenthood”, was when I welcomed the most beautiful person into this world, my daughter. Even though I have wishes to go back and change how much I worked and the collapse of my relationship, I cannot. What is done is done. I just hope in the end, in God’s infinite wisdom, my daughter will be happy and safe. Even if I have had to take a backseat in her relationship at the time being, in the end all will be ok, because it has to be. I don’t know if some of you can relate to this without being me. Just imagine the BEST thing ever to come into your life, and you are struggling to make sure the past doesn’t repeat itself, but you fail. I mean flat on your face, knee deep in quicksand, pit full of vipers, fail.

So please take what you can get from these coming series. If you are not a parent yet, please learn from me so you don’t go through what I have, or what I will.

***And On To the Show! ***

Parenthood – Priorities of Parenting

Parenting is JOYFUL. Never forget that!

At first your child is dependent on you for EVERYTHING! Meals, food, “waste disposal”, clothing, love, I mean everything...

But the safest and best priority is to transfer their dependence on you, into a dependence on God. As my mother proved and so many others have too, that we can fail our children. The good news is that God can’t.

In doing this you will change yourself and every generation to come.

So...

LOVE YOUR CHILD! LOVE YOUR GOD!

But be careful! If you only give your child just a little bit of God, then they will build a resistance to the great wonders abound. They will know God, but not of God. They will not have that intimate relationship with Christ. It is a dangerous path to follow, push too hard and they will pull away. Lead by example. And never underestimate a child’s ability to serve others. Get them active in church sponsored programs and activities. Make it more than just a “Sunday Thing”.

Get ready for the big picture.

KIDS WHO BECOME ACTIVE CHRIST FOLLOWERS AS ADULTS

(Parents Active) (Percent of Children)

Mom and Dad 72%

Mom 15%

Dad 55%

Neither 6%

Lead your family by teaching as well. And you MUST lead intentionally. Don’t fall into the current trend and trap. You have to have control.

Edward Duke of Windsor said, “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.”

Are we supposed to be proud of that? I mean we all have see a child throwing a tantrum once in the store… but why is that being accepted now more and more common place? You need to set the standards, not them.

Lead your family through relationships. Please don’t ever let your child think that he/she needs to hide their love for another, especially if that other is someone of great importance. I mean don’t let your fifteen year old daughter be sucking face at dinner with grandpa and grandma across the table at El Patron either. But show them why relationships can make a strong person even stronger…want proof? If you are an active Christ follower then go look in the mirror. Your personal relationship with Christ has strengthened you beyond limits, even where death cannot touch you.

Key points and Ideas (Along with Scripture)

Manage God’s Money

Carefully Select Friends

Watch Your Words

Be Responsible

Guard Your Mind

Be Generous

Fear God

Be shepherds of your flock…

Like God Is of His…

Children are stewards – nothing is theirs – ALL is God’s. And we all are children of God…

Then why is it so hard for us to let go of some things?

Determined Dreams Drive Deliverance

Take a moment to realize part of my life, so that, this weeks' blog will make more sense...


Imagine, if you will, approximately 150,000 people a year judging you. The way you look, your voice, the way you carry yourself, piercings, tattoos, your ideas, religion, relationships, EVERY little detail. And I don't mean random people. These people, can and will, dictate your success at your job and the ability to pay your bills. Such is the life of the Professional Guest Service Entertainer.
(Yes, I know I am a server...I am not delusional, but some of us are serious about what we do.)

(Now you are on the path...let's take you further down the rabbit hole.)

Your guests condition you into trying to gain everyone's approval. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but most people don't realize that they do this. It is embedded within all of us. It is the same exact conditioning we all have received during the course of our lives.

Let it be playing kickball, or in "the real world". It is all the same. Blood, sweat, and tears poured into getting those simple phrases from someone's mouths.

• Thank You.
• I Love You.
• I Want You.
• I Need You.
• Great Job.
• You Are Terrific.

At what cost?

We spend a life time attempting to just be accepted. Think of all that wasted energy, time, and worth ruined on something that will never happen.

Thinking about worth...

• What was your first thought when YOU looked in the mirror this morning?
  
• How do OTHERS describe you?

Which is more important? Which one do you listen to more? Most of us are conditioned to ignore ourselves and only rely on others' perception.
(Here is a blog that I wrote on another site)

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Beauty. Current mood: tired Category: Blogging How come when most people are confronted with real beauty they fail to appreciate it? And only in retrospect do we gain any real insight into what true beauty is. I am sure we can all think of simple things we think are beautiful. But what this day and age is it? Most ideas or concepts that we think are beautiful are what the media sells us on. True beauty is the person that is physically scarred due to something beyond their control and still has the courage to face the world as if nothing had changed. Beauty is a single parent fighting to keep their family together and happy. A glimmer of beauty is the few times when you can look in the mirror when you just wake up and are truly happy with your reflection. If you take a moment to find beauty in all things, especially the small things in life, then you are truly on the path to happiness. We don't need the newest clothes, perfumes, hairstyles, make-up, or the perfect body to be happy or beautiful. You just need yourself, and when you can say that then you are perfect... Good luck all on your paths to happiness, just never forget to take time out to enjoy the beauty before you, however small it may be.

Acceptance Is Highly Overrated!

Where as...

• How GOD sees you?

When was the last time you looked at yourself through God's eyes?

Want to see a proof?

Britains Got Talent 2009 Susan Boyle 47 Year Old Singer
by kj1983

She was singing to fulfill a dream that God had placed in her heart...

And her personal conviction and faith in the Lord proves that she is a blessed soul. To sing for the love of singing, not caring of what people think, say, or do is simply amazing. We should all be so blessed.


But for the rest of us there is hope...

There Is Life After Rejection...

God can't please everyone all the time... So why do we try so hard?

Jesus knew this while he was on earth, accepted it, and still did what no one else could have done.

And in doing so, we have all been accepted by Christ.

Yes, even me. Ex-smoker, failed marriage, fallen father, chronic complainer, annoyingly loud, nine tattoos, six-gauge piercings in my ears...I find solace in the fact that 2000 years ago Christ accepted me, and it's still valid today.

Our spiritual and self worth should be the same. Our worth is determined by our value. And that is based upon:

• Who owns it...

But we belong to God...

• What someone is willing to pay...

Jesus gave all for us...

So no matter what, that makes each and every one of us priceless in the eyes of God. And since that is they way we should be looking at ourselves and each other we are worth more than anyone could ever give.

So don't stop dreaming...

And don't be afraid to act upon the seeds that God plants within those dreams...

"A rich man in God, but poor in the world, tithes. Giving back what he knows is and was God's.

A poor man in God, but rich in the world, tithes. Burdened by his guilt, because he has yet to understand God or himself." JFL 4-26-09

Seashore Salvation: Surviving Self-Sacrificing Service

Kris Kilgore did the team preaching thing today. He is fantastic! I mean, you know, for a guy, and stuff...that is not Mark...but umm...yeah, anyways.

The last miracle in our sermon series, Jesus on The Seashore.

Since I did not get one of those awesome inserts in my bulletin today, most if not all of the following will be own my random ramblings infused with copious amounts of A.D.D.

Miracles in scripture are not magic acts. They show us how "natural order" was supposed to be. We ruined that by sin. God uses those moments to make it right. It is always for the greater good, God's Plan. Remember though that most miracles that still happen today are not always what we want or expect.

"Miracles are a retelling, in small letters, of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see." — C.S. Lewis

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." — Albert Einstein

"Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear." — Lemony Snicket (The Carnivorous Carnival)

We can live in the proximity of the truth but still be blind to it.

The bad fishers of fish, but excellent fishers of man, were gathered near the Sea of Galilee. It is believed that seven were gathered there, including Simon Peter. Now Peter had it rough so far and most of his problems were self-inflicted. He was feeling guilty of his own personal failure, but fullfillment of Christ's prophecy. So after three years of leaving the nets behind, Peter said that he wanted to go fishing...and the others followed. They fished and got nothing. Again and again they tried, and the nets still were empty. Jesus was on the shoreline and called out to them asking them if they had anything yet...almost in a jest it seemed. They of course had not, and Jesus instructed them to cast the net on the other side. And as Jesus knew, they could not haul the net in due to it being so plentiful with catch. John was the first to idenify Jesus on the shoreline, and even said something to Peter about it. Now seriously if I was in the shoes of Peter I would of felt pretty stupid right about now...

But Peter dove off the boat and headed toward Jesus...

Stop running away from Jesus, stop letting your ignorance of grace prevent your happiness and life.

Run toward Jesus no matter what...and then you will understand everything...

What matters most is that Jesus got it all right...so run back into arms of the Lord.

List of Verses for You:

Luke 5:1-11

II Kings 5:1-27

John 21:1-14

Romans 5:19-21

Debating Death: Resuscitating "Resurrection" Restores Religion

God is never early, never late... but always on time.

Easter Services were great today! Today's miracle was Raising Lazarus From The Dead.

But I am not going to waste a bunch of time breaking the story down as most people know it by heart, but here is a link for your enjoyment. Hyperlinks are awesome, nuff said.

At a funeral there is more than one dead person...

• You can be dead while you are alive.

1. Dead in doubts
2. Dead in delay
3. Dead in discouragement

• What In Your Life Is Dead (Or Dying?) My answer(s): financially, family, relationships, faith in myself.

Jesus Came So That We Could LIVE!

• Stop Dressing Like A Dead Man.

LIVE AGAIN!

Some key things to remember: God's delays are not God's denials. Take off or remove anything from your life that resembles death. Remove your personal death shrouds. And finally, your pain and struggles will not end in death, but take solace in the fact that God has a plan.

Following are videos from a monologue that I performed for the service and a video of our cardboard testimonies that were from Easter. I applaud everyone that had the faith and courage to reveal their weaknesses and strengths to the congregation.

Water Into Wine: Wanting, Waiting, Wonderful Words of Wisdom

Walls just hold up the roof of a church, not to separate it's members from one another.

So many things to talk about this week as services today were, like always, AWESOME! Everything today will run parallel with each other, or rather full circle.

Sunday, April 5th, 2009 is Palm Sunday. It is an important day and time for all Christians. Please do not forget what this time of year is for. Hmm, jelly beans... But seriously take a moment out this week leading up to Easter and thank God for every breath and moment you have.

Pastor Mark spoke about how the "five dollar service" had touched someone all the way in Wisconsin. A member's mother was in town for that service and took her five dollars back to her home and used it for yarn. She is a member of a church that the ladies gather and make prayer shawls that is given freely to the sick or suffering. It provides hope... and we all need that.

Water Into Wine a.k.a. Marriage of Cana

(John 2:1-11)

[1,2,12]Jesus, Mary, His brothers, and His disciples were all gathered at Cana for what we can assume was a relatives' wedding. [3]Weddings were a big deal and would last as long as a week. So the fact that they had run out of wine was huge. So Mary spoke to Jesus, almost like she was the catalyst for action. [4]When he refers to Mary as "woman", it is not the negative that is considered now; in that culture and time it was proper. He also referred to her as "woman" while He was crucified. He had hesitation because at this time He had not started His earthly ministry. [5]But Mary forced action, because she met Jesus in the middle, and told the servants at the wedding to do whatever Jesus says. Her conviction in her son and God was strong. [6]There sat six stone pots that were commonly found in homes used for cleaning, cooking, etc. Each held about twenty to thirty gallons of water, which would equate to about one hundred and eighty gallons. [7]Jesus told them to fill the pots with water, and so they filled them to the brim. [8]He then told them to dip water out of a pot and take it to the master of the feast, and they did. [9,10]The master of the feast drank, but did not know where the wine had come from. He didn't even question it, but told them that the best was saved for last. [11]Even though few knew of this miracle at first, it was a small step in the right direction, and started Jesus' walk with His disciples and strengthened their faith. It was a "behind-the-scenes" miracle; moving in small, powerful ways.

What does this all mean? And how can it relate to us?

I think Pastor Mark did a great service, and he showed us that it was about expectations in life, in God, and in ourselves.

Expectations...

Q & A: What unmet expectations are you dealing with?

Being happy, successful, and to be loved like have a solid family.

So in reflection, I will post different things from the pamplet and my notes that relate. First and foremost: recognize things may get worse before God makes them better.[*]

How To Live Through Unmet Expectations:

• Look Toward Jesus For Your Solution.
• Do What Jesus Says.
• Trust And Act!

We get in a hurry and take control but we can not do it by ourselves. Our burdens are heavy so that we may be humble enough to ask and accept help from others.

Last but not least, know that Jesus saved the best for last. And yes, that does mean me, you, and even that nosy neighbor two doors down, as long as they have the faith. So don't give up, be patient with God, act in faith, have obedience, trust God, love life, and appreciate unnoticed miracles.

As I was about to leave, I was handed a flyer for an egg hunt next Saturday, and yet again the Lord spoke to me.

God hides "Easter Eggs" in all of our lives for us to find...

Raging Storm: Everyone’s Lives Squalls and Walls

Today the sermon was about “Calming The Storm” Mark 4:35-40. I have MANY notes from this sermon of things that “hit close to home” that I would like to share. You have to understand that I am a very guarded person, and I don’t let many past my walls, or I haven’t until now… I want to take the time to thank each and every one that has come through the doors of my work or my life and has had an impact some way or another to help drive me to the position I am in now.

~ Now On To The Show! ~

Oh NO! Question and Answer time again! Pastor Mark why must you lead me into a comfortable place and make me gaze upon my inner self and do some serious reflecting?! The nerve…

(All answers are honest, and what I wrote on my “note pad” i.e. the bulletin.)

· What storm are you facing? My relationship with my daughter, accepting my wife getting remarried, and my health. Biggest storm à getting to where I need to be with God and my life.

Hopefully everyone can understand those are some serious squalls heading my way. But I am ready. And honestly this makes me want to share a couple poems I wrote for a co-worker some time ago that fits this sermon in a way…

The Raging Storm (Sept 27^th, 2008)

My body assaulted by torrent winds and rain,
Mind broken tormented attempting to stay sane.
Another day survived in the world we call home,
Lonesome spirit to always and forever roam.
Eternally I stand stoically against the raging storm,
Placidly awaiting the coming in which I may transform.
Knotted inside by my grief and weight that I carry,
Taking control of my destiny within never to tarry.
Finally I have endured my last tribulation well,
Free from bondage from the storm-like hell.
I blossom from inside radiating tranquil wonder,
Never again will the raging storm tear me asunder.

Peace Within (April 03^rd, 2008)

Drama filled life,
Plagued with endless strife.
Striving to find peace within,
Not knowing where to begin.

A path hidden for no one to see,
Where is my shelter, where can it be?
Struggling to find balance and Zen,
Always a battle to find peace within.

Before I start breaking down the message and what I think, I want to drop this tidbit. Your storm might be bad, but always could be worst. Many have had the strength to die for Christ, but do you have the strength to live for Him?

Mark 4:35-40 starts out with [35]Jesus wanting to traverse the Sea of Galilee, also known as the Lake of Gennesaret, Lake Kinneret or Sea of Tiberias. At six hundred and ninety feet below sea level, it is the lowest freshwater lake, and second lowest lake on Earth. This area, due to the mountains, volcanic, and seismic activity, was known to “flare” up trouble to those on the waters every now and then. [36]So they set out with Jesus on their boat, but other boats soon followed. [37]A storm arose and waves began filling the boat, dragging it down. They would succumb to their doom. [38]Meanwhile Jesus is sleeping down below while chaos ensues. I think this proves God’s humor in the world around. His disciples wake him crying out to Him and they believe He is not worried about the end. [39]Now that Jesus is awake, He silences the wind and commands the sea to cease its violent nature. [40]Jesus turns to His brothers and asks them why they are so afraid and where is their faith.

Faith is such a powerful blessing. It promotes and drives healing, hope, miracles, calms “storms”, and calms the heart of man. In the first place, storms only test our faith for a reason; they bring us closer to God. Jesus all ready knew what was to pass as they went out to sea.

Like I said, this story is just a parallel to everyone’s lives. We all have a “storm” raging around. We can’t “sleep” through our storms because we dwell too much. It sinks us as a spiritual person. But then God is never surprised, so why are we? Though he is unseen, he is always there, he is everywhere. But we are still afraid. Many of us are afraid of living with God, but faith will help bring the understanding we need to succeed. Remember God doesn’t do something because lack of love, but rather for all of His love.

So why do people live in areas, and stay in them, when they are constantly tormented by storms? What strengthens them? Whatever the reasons may be, know this: it is because of those storms that they can appreciate the beauty of life.

Many years ago with the death of my father, I wrote an idiom that brought me peace. And I had the courage to share it at his memorial service and would also like to share it with you in closing as well...

“Do not count the days of sadness, but rather cherish the days of happiness.” Jonathan Boyd Oct ‘97

Entertaining, Speaking, and Life Changing: Personality Personifying A Powerful Christ

(Relating for services at Hope Fellowship dating Sunday, March 22, 2009)

Pastor Mark had this great idea earlier in the week to video myself and others that had a great story with the money to share with everyone...but God moves in a way that we may never understand...and honestly that is fine with me.

He thought he would rather get us up in front of everyone and share...not a bad idea, but when you give someone like me a mic I could easily get long winded. So I related my story to everyone there, and my goodness, it was just like I was home. It felt as if waves of joy were spreading from people and across the room. Pastor Mark was a great sport and it was wonderful to have such a warm audience. But in fact, that had a greater purpose, and lead you to what you have the before you...I post-dated somethings to help most readers but here is where I will get to the bread and butter of me and my journey.

*My Back Story* I am a transplant to this area. I came here for Christmas vacation with my (ex)wife one time and somehow I never left. We were expecting our first child and her mother lived in South Carolina, so we decided to pack-up everything and make our vacation permanent. To make a long story short things did not work out like we thought and I stayed in Anderson because I did not know what else to do. But to understand my being "lame" we must go back even further. Many years ago my father was victim to a "mysterious death" that never has been fully explained nor resolved. I needed my father more than ever at that time, and felt so alone afterward. I lost my way and was consumed by anger and spite for something I could not or did not want to understand. I shunned religion but remained a scholar of many just to see if any held the answers I wanted to hear. I lost my voice to God and fell deaf to his calls. I ignored anything he did for me in life, and did nothing for his glory, other than just to survive. But that all changed when I met a very special family...Dorinne, Dave, Samantha, and Amanda. Without them I would not be the person I am striving to be today. Thank you and love you guys.

~Back To The Show!~

My how awesome is it to be back in the arms of the Lord! Have you felt that energy lately? The strength of the Holy Ghost lending you a hand. No longer do I cry out, "Oh Lord, WHY LORD!? WHY!?" Instead I cry, and thank God for everything in life. I have stopped trying to rationalize those things in which I can not grasp, instead I embrace it, knowing one day it will teach me more than I will ever know...

I hope and pray that those that find solace in anything I can provide here is blessed beyond this world. Know that I would rather be poor on Earth and rich in Heaven.

See you Sunday!

Poolside Miracle: Self-Evident Stories of Salvation

(Post-dated in relation to services at Hope Fellowship on Sunday March, 15 2009.)

Poolside Miracle

Talk about your moving messages. I understand that as we get closer to Easter and celebration of the Resurrection of Christ that sermons can take and breathe life into the spiritually lame, myself included. And here is proof...


How hard is it to answer questions for yourself in church? In my opinion it was awful. No one could see me, no one knew, but for some reason I was scared of my answers. But I would like to share them with you...

Q:How big is my God? A:There is no limit in size nor shape.
Q:What is my handicap? A:Spiritually Lame...My Past...Myself...
Q:What is God telling me? A:MOVE mountains.

Nothing to be scared of, right? That's what I tried to tell myself. But in self-reflection our greatest fears and weaknesses can paralyze us emotionally and spiritually. We have to rise above it, and shoulder our burdens, every step a learning process for something greater.


On Wednesday, March 18, 2009, I was one of the two closing servers at work that evening. Now I understand we get a late "pop" recently from church crowds but nothing planned me for what was coming...

It was thirty minutes before we closed the restaurant and an elderly, but spry, gentleman came in with an aged beauty at his arm. They seemed close, as if they were family, and warmly greeted me before I could even say a word. You see I love tables that tend to "break the ice" first, like they are meeting me halfway. They know what I am there for, but instead of immediately asking for services, they acknowledge that I am a person as well. I quickly put myself in motion based upon their wishes, requests, and promptings. But also I took the time the learn more about them, as I was thoroughly intrigued by their personality. The gent claimed he was an astonishing eighty years old and the beauty with him that evening was his sister. (At this point I have to swear to you that this man, in no way shape or form, looked anything of the sort and I would not place his age a microsecond beyond sixty-five. This is where things really start to get interesting.) He told me that he had cancer, but cancer DOES NOT have him. He told me he just got done with another round of Chemo and his skin and hair had never been better. We made a couple jokes about my "migration" and that Chemo might do me some good. I got their order from the kitchen and delivered it to them. As they were enjoying their meal, I could not help myself from talking with him more. He told me that at church he gets countless sick and lame people at services and they ask him why is he not sick like the rest...why in the face of a life threatening illness is he not hopeless or helpless? His only reply was that he chose not to be that way. To embrace life and God and know that no matter what, he was going to be all right. Even in death, if we are with God, are we not o.k?

I immediately quoted what I remembered from the poolside miracle; he finished up what I had missed. I saw a tear in his eye, and knew from then on he had all ready "picked up his mat and walked". He is trudging along on a path that few are truly strong enough with the Lord to unquestionably go... I believe that this man has all ready conquered death and nothing about living nor dying scares him. I hope his bright example can be a light for others to follow and be healed by the grace and for the glory.


~Amen

Pandora's Box and Other Life Lessons Learned At Church

(Post-dating some of the first blogs to catch most readers up to speed. This is in relationship to services at Hope Fellowship in Anderson, SC on Sunday, March 8, 2009. The congregation was given five to ten dollars a piece in envelopes and encouraged to pay-it-forward in one way or another.)


E-mail to Pastor Mark...


"So I was sitting in Hope, only my third time joining in worship there, and this "crazy guy" gives all of the congregation an envelope that is sealed. I sit there and ponder to myself, and wonder "how this is going to be tied into the message?" I honestly thought we were all going to open these envelopes and they were going to contain nothing material. I believed that they would contain our "hope". Kind of like a Pandora's Box in Greek Mythos. Because in the end all we do have is hope...

I stuck the envelope in my car above the passenger visor. I went to work immediately following services, but thought about it the whole time. I thought I had many "worthy" people that I could give it to, as I work in a restaurant, and they are synonymous with sin. Many that find refuge in the life of a server have instant gratifying needs; they feel the only way to satisfy those needs is with money each day. Sadly enough these are usually worldly sins that dictate much of their world, and in many ways make them and their families suffer needlessly. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or just the ability or vice to blow money each day, I pity those that get stuck in that rut. I Once was like that. When my world fell apart a few years ago, I had no choice to "fall back" on to my ability to entertain and serve the masses. I came into it with knowledge of control and budgeting and knew what was important. So short story long, I didn't feel the need to fuel their addictions.

So as I went about my day-to-day, paying bills, I found that same five dollars. It was with the stack of tips I received over the weekend, which I was going to go deposit into my bank account. So I pulled it out and while I was downtown I randomly walked into The Daily Grind. I wanted to enjoy a nice "upside-down" Macchiato. So I set the barista in action with my complex order, but she was slightly taken aback by my perplexing ability to complicate the mundane. I knew this was a perfect time. So I told her that sometimes it takes just something small to alter the way we normally do things. This then can enable us to see beauty and understanding in everyday life. It is sometimes those things we tend to tune out because we are always so busy with the same routine. So I paid for the drink with my card (ironically enough less than three dollars), and pulled out that flat, crisp five-dollar bill and stood it on it's edge on the counter. I asked the barista if I could tell her a story and warned her I wasn't normally the "churchy" type. I wanted to share something else with her. I pointed to the the bill and told her that Sunday I enjoyed worship with my friends and was shocked, that somehow even though the story in II Kings about lepers had left my head, I still remember seeing a "crash of rhinos" opening envelopes that revealed money. She even gave an audible gasp at that point. So I told her that hopefully I had given her something more than just a five dollar tip...

On the small scale, I gave her a moment changing event, but I hope that the moment awoke her to the fact that no matter who, what, where, when, and how...there is always hope, and it can come in many different ways..."